ANSWER ME THIS

Lulu / 19 Jun, 2019

I’m sure by now those of you who keep up with our blog know us for one thing: being deep, and we love it — we love that this is a space we can do that; a space we can pour out on and ponder life many issues on, and at the same time do a lot of growing and learning when it comes to certain things. I know for one, my topics lately have been those I have learnt through and those I have needed to learn something from because every issue has been one I struggle with in one way or another. And it’s been therapeutic in a way to process these feelings and thoughts “on paper”, but I’m not gonna lie, even I need a little bit of a break from the deep, the serious and all the #lifelessons I seem to be doing a lot of lately, so this week it’s going to be a bit of a light, less serious one from me. I won’t promise I won’t get deep because hey, we don’t call this blog Logosophical for nothing, but I thought it would be fun for me to answer a few thought-provoking questions, which if you’re reading this, I dare you to answer (at least one of) in the comments below. Deal?

So what questions are these you may ask? During one of my Youtube binge watching sessions, I came across this video of two people on a blind date, and each of them were asking each other a series of personal questions, with the aim to see if this would make them fall in love. Apparently asking the right kind of questions can do that, make two complete strangers fall in love. *insert finger on chin emoji* because personally, I’m not convinced. For me falling in love takes much MUCH more than someone telling you which 3 people dead or alive they would want as a dinner guest. But the more I watched this video, and the more similar videos and articles I read about the subject, it seemed like this is something some people really take seriously. Apparently there is some psychology to it that makes sense and I found this really intriguing. For reference, here’s the video I watched:

Let the record show though that I still don’t believe or subscribe to the idea that it just takes asking these questions. Where life and love are concerned, (for me anyway) there are so many other things to consider — there is the God factor, and your lived and shared experiences individually and together, that add to the reason you love someone. How good are they in a crisis? How do they behave when they are angry? How do they treat the ones you love, or even the ones they love? and and and… so no, I’m definitely not saying this is something that works, or even should work.

But for the sake of interest and also considering I’m not really trying to get anyone to fall in love with me, I came across other variations that suggested that asking specific questions could also lead you to knowing what kind of personality traits someone has, or even what someones insecurities are. And I thought, why not. I already have fragments of my life scattered all over this blog, it wouldn’t hurt to dive in a little more, and hey, maybe through these questions you guys can get to know me a little more; discover my personality, my insecurities etc, and I you, because we already agreed that you are answering at least one of these questions in the comments. No take backs.

So I found so many of these kind of questions online, but I picked 3 that I thought were quite revealing as well as interesting. So here goes, Question 1:

Growing up I was accused a lot of caring so much about what people think; and I don’t blame the people that said that, because they tell no lies. I can’t really say why, because it wasn’t so much about being judged.. maybe being liked? Or thought of as good? I don’t know, but I do know that there were often times that I would either do something (I didn’t want to do, or wouldn’t naturally do) or would end up not doing certain things because I didn’t want people to think a certain way of me, or most of all get anyone upset. One person I know would get annoyed by this a lot, was my sister. She’s the opposite of me — very unapologetically her, honest with her feelings, opinions etc, and I could only wish to be half of that. So when I would worry about what someone else thought she would always just say one thing to me “who cares“, and now that I’m older and wiser, I feel and often think exactly that, because these days I’ve discovered that I just don’t care as much. I have gotten to the point of complete exhaustion worrying about other peoples feelings and thoughts that I simply don’t care anymore. And that’s what people pleasing will do to you… wear you out. So while there is still that little part of me that sometimes finds myself back in that place, the better part of me has learnt to be more unapologetically me, but I won’t lie and say everything is all good, and I’m 100% new and improved, because, not quite. And so to answer this question, I would have to say: speak my mind more. If there was one thing I could do differently and not really be afraid of people judging me, I think it would be that. Just speaking my mind, saying what I think and how I feel. Because we all know sometimes the things we think and feel when said out loud lead to confrontation, or make someone else feel some type of way, and because of that I always like to brush things under rug, or downplay certain things because I just don’t want to put someone in a position where they are now upset, or they are angry or unhappy. I would prefer to just let things go and carry that burden alone — wether it’s not standing up for myself, calling something out, or freely expressing myself… but in the end that only ever really affects me. That’s 1. 2. (and here come the insecurities, sigh, who picked this game?) I generally feel I’m never the smartest, or the funniest egg in the room, and because of that I always feel like anything I have to add to a conversation is already less than what the other people in the room have said and therefore I tell myself there is no real point in actually saying anything. When it comes to group discussions, I never really lead conversations, and if ever I do say what I’m thinking I second guess it every time, so generally I just prefer to stay quiet. This is not to say I don’t have and hold good conversations, because my friends may disagree, but if I’m being honest, with many and most conversations, I don’t say too much and just speak on what’s already being spoken about, laugh or move it along. And this is tragic. Reading it and saying it out loud is cringey, but it’s what I deal with, and something I would definitely like to do differently, because the truth is, my mind is my mind, and my thoughts are my thoughts, and God made no mistake when He gave me the mind I have and I don’t want it to be a regret that I never spoke my truths or shared myself in that way. But for any impressionable people reading this, I feel I must say this is not to say: say what you want, when you want, how you want and don’t care about other peoples feelings. Because do. Care about and respect peoples feelings, but care about yourself enough to also speak for yourself. Speak your mind but be kind, respectful and loving with your words. My flaw is only just that I care about peoples feelings and thoughts way more than I speak for myself. So yes, that is what I would do differently if I knew that no one was judging me… and even if they were.

Question 2:

Generally the word “owe” is a bit of a tricky word for me, not because it’s a bad word or there is anything wrong with it, but because to some degree it denotes a sense of entitlement, sort of like you have to be something or someone to be owed something, but at the same time, like you are deserving to be owed. And I believe that it’s for this exact reason that I haven’t been kind to myself and given myself things that I do owe myself, because I haven’t necessarily felt deserving of them, or forget that I am. I wouldn’t go as far as to say the person I am hardest on is myself, I think other people in my life are unlucky to have that fall on them, but I definitely am not easy on myself, and don’t feel deserving of many things. So at this present moment in time I could write a long list of things that I owe myself, but if I had to pick one, it would be that I think I owe it to myself to ignore the negative voice inside my head. I was actually having a conversation about this with my friends the other day, just telling them that my inner voice tends to be a bit of a negative Nancy. Not all the time though, but, often it leads me down the road of fear, worry, doubt, etc.. and because of it, I end up imposing a lot of limitations on myself. I either don’t do something out of fear, doubt myself or doubt that a positive outcome could come of whatever situations I face. And this is the problem; my default is always a negative thought and I find that I constantly have to talk myself out of believing what the voice inside my head has told me about certain things. I don’t know if it’s simply just fear that spurs the inner voice on, or a defence mechanism I use to assume the worst so that when it happens I am not disappointed. I don’t know, but this is definitely something I struggle with. But I owe it to myself to stop. To stop moving in fear, worry, doubt etc, because of some of the negative things being fed to me by my inner voice. The world does a lot already in imposing limitations on people and I shouldn’t contribute to this narrative against myself either. I owe it to myself to believe the word of God over my life, and make Him and the Holy Spirit the prevailing voice inside my head.

Question 3:

This was an interesting one because I actually only realised recently that I don’t know how to take a compliment. I always thought I faired well — you know a “thank you” here, and maybe a little bit of a conversation around it there — but I’m realising that that actually may not be the case, and I actually have no idea what to do or what to say when I’m given a compliment. More often than not I just laugh it off, and move along, and if it’s from my husband I frown as if I don’t understand what he just said and he spoke to me in a foreign language. But there is something about praise that makes me feel a little awkward. I know that this is a problem I share with so many other people, so I don’t feel too exposed. But to answer the question, I would say that the one compliment I tend to always deflect is when someone tells me I have done a great job at something. It suddenly makes me feel like I am an imposter, and like they are definitely not talking about me and soon will discover it. I am generally very self-conscious of the things I do when it comes to my work and creativity and everything I do in regards to that. I remember speaking a bit about that here on the blog, particularly when it comes to my writing, so it’s not new. And remember that negative inner voice I was talking about, Nancy.. yes her. She always doesn’t think she has done great job, in fact she often thinks she could do better or that somebody else would have done it better than her, so when someone says I have done well in something, my default is to brush off it off or make it seem like it was no big deal, and more often than not try to pass or share the credit with other people. I simply just don’t know how to accept the compliment for what it is. The crazy part is, I of course do want to get recognised for the thing that I have done. It means everything to me to put something of myself out there, or do something that people can appreciate or that people like, so you would think that hearing that they do would have the opposite effect on me and I would be incredibly chuffed. But nope. I’m like those forget me not flowers, compliment me and I withdraw into myself. I pretty much avoid letting the compliment in. I would love to say I’m working on it, and I am, but I won’t lie and say I’ve gotten anywhere with that; like I said this is only something that I realised recently, so I’m not even sure what is going on. But let me just say for all those who compliment me on a job well done, thank you. I may say it and quickly brush it off or downplay it, but truly, thank you.

Now it’s your turn. Answer any one of these questions in the comment section below and let’s have fun and find out where we are the same, and how we are different, and get to know each other.. I promise not to fall in love with you… yet.

2 thoughts on “ANSWER ME THIS

  1. What do I owe myself? I owe it to myself to be kinder to myself.

    I too struggle with the voice in my head but worse off I agree constantly with the negative rhetoric. A trait I am not sure originates from but an unfortunate occurrence nonetheless.

    Lately, I have been trying very hard to speak positivity, goodness and blessings in my life because these are things I believe I deserve. I am not all there, I do fall short time and again, but I am making a conscious effort to be all that I am meant to be.

    Greetings from Zambia,
    PJ

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